THE JUSTIFICATIONS AND REASONS FOR DOING MORE "WORK"
AND NOT DOING LIFE LEARNING AND IMPROVEMENT AS MUCH
(There is some more editing is to be done, but the key points, I think, are clear - and you should heed them!)
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NEVER ENOUGH TIME FOR CREATING A LIFE...
Many of us spent so much time doing "work", making a living, trying to look good, etc., to the extent that we pushed out the time necessary to learn life itself - and we suffered for it, often incurring permanent harm to ourselves by doing things to the extreme and overtaxing ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, and all the other mistakes of life.
This was a huge, huge mistake, for what do we have if we've accomplished many things in life but never truly lived life and never truly attained life success, enduring happiness????
The particular piece was written for a person who desired to be a superachiever but who didn't spend time developing the skills to be productive in life at a higher level and to live a happy life without stress. In this case, he turned the "achievement" drive to "service work", repeating the same mistake he had done to himself and his loved ones all of his life. Now, if he is to avoid the tragedy of never having lived a true, human, fulfilled life, he must stop and go back to learn what he missed.
He is not "bad" or "stupid" for not having learned the necessary skills for life - he simply has not yet learned what is most vital in like. He just needs to now reach out and commit himself to the necessary learning and reaping of life....
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SERVING OTHERS - BUT HOW MUCH?
Serving others, just like kindness and cooperation with others, causes us to experience a positive emotions in general. This is natural and comes from evolution, encouraging cooperation. Cooperation is one of the major things that had us survive - and possibly was what saved us from going extinct when we were down to 10,000 in number. Those who had the makings and feelings, etc., to cooperate had their genes passed on because those people were more likely to survive.
Cooperation, to a point, was mandatory 10,000 years ago if we were to survive in our small tribes.
We are already set up to survive, so cooperation, at least not to the extent of yesteryears, is not of as much value to us. However, if we go by natural instincts and don't think of the purpose to be achieved, we will not operate appropriately to survival today and we will tend to overdo it, since less is actually needed.
IT IS A MATTER OF VALUE, NOT...
Of course, it is no problem to overdo it if there is no other thing to do that is of more value. Any time we do one thing, it precludes us from another alternative.
Of course, religions and the edicts of the government were designed around assuring cooperation, making it "good" in society, so that we got "goodness" points for doing it. That's fine IF we don't overdo it compared to what is needed for our greater wellbeing.
If we do cooperation beyond its higher marginal value to us then it costs us doing something of higher value such as increasing happiness of ourselves and those whom we care about. In other words there is a rational limiting point that we must consider - and that point is always where we can go do something of higher value for ourselves (and our loved ones).
THE COSTS OF THE MISTAKES OF MISVALUING...
A person who overvalues "service to others" is often dramatically assuming an absolute (fixed, rigid) value and priority to doing service and benefitting mankind.
But he is sacrificing something of greater value to do so.
[Numerically illustrated, it looks like this:
Let's say we have overvalued the believed value by let's say 5 units and we have gotten to the point where actual service value is 5 units per hour but our alternative per hour is only 4 units. Then it logically means we would choose the service hour. However, let's assume actual valu has dropped to 3 units after the 2nd hour and our alternative value is still 4, then we will give up a unit of value. As the value of the service hours further declines, the discrepancy and lost hours of the value of the alternatives in other areas grows bigger and bigger. We are gaining less and less per hour in direct benefits but we are losing more benefits thatn we gain. So we are doing the same as using $4 to gain something worth $3, then $4 to get $2, then spending $4 to get $1 worth - an we are shortchanging life.]
OTHER OFFSETS, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSIDER CAREFULLY...
However it is not that simple as we are getting, just as in church and other activities, extra benefits, such as socialization. And if that socialization in the meetings is worth more than the benefits we get out of socialization with our friends then we are getting a net benefit.
And if the person is starving for approval and has no good source to fill it all, then there is a value to that. he temporarily salves his lack of approval. That is if he cannot do something else to not have that upset or lack of what he needs...
If he is driven by and gets some recognition and has others thinking well of him, there is some value if can't get it elsewhere. Just like an addict, there is value to getting "the hit" and/or the relief but the cost of what they give up is greater (they have long term consequences...).
If he gains a sense of competence, then he is getting something of value.
But isn't this the same mistake he made when working and having life depend on one thing? Isn't this why men in particular who have depended on one thing will suffer later in life when they stick their head up and look around to see that they, when they retire, have nothing. They forgot about the wisdom of "diversification" and how it protects the long term ability to get value out of life from a variety of sources so that he is not left dependent on one only?
THE VALUE OF "MEETINGS"
If we recognize why we need to go to meetings and why we depend on meetings to get what we want, and then look at the value of developing another way of getting value, we might do some analysis like this:
Value derived from the meeting: If in deficit If not in deficit,
(have alternatives)
Socialization 3 0
Approval 4 0
The value derived from the meeting if you are in deficit and have no other source is positive. If however you have other alternatives of equal or greater value, then the value of the "meeting" (to be seen and reinforced) is zero (or a negative number).
If one can get the need for socialization met with people closer to oneself and therefore of more value, such as with real /closer friends, then the value in the meeting would pale by comparison.
On the approval end, if one has suficient self approval and is not needy, there is no or little gain in getting approval from others. And wouldn't getting approval (acceptance, intimacy, closeness) from real/closer friends/family be of more value.
Maybe one such limit or eliminate "getting these needs met by meetings" because one sees that there is greater value elsewhere and that he need not be dependent on one source? D'ya think?!!
Does this all make sense?
What do you need to do now? Write about it, consider it carefully, set a plan, and make the decision to do that which is of truly higher value - instead of passively living life getting such things from lower sources when we could get much more...
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AT WHAT POINT SHOULD I STOP, FOR GREATER VALUE?
This is another key point, so if you would glance at the numbers at get the overall point - that there is diminishing value here to the point where something else is of greater value and that, therefore, you should stop doing more of that one activity type. In this case, you would limit your hours, stopping at the point where there are other things of more value!
Some may want to play with the numbers below, but if you've gotten the point, now is the time to look at all this, writing it out, deciding whether to diversify and to build life skills that will guarantee a good life - and then commit, in writing, to do so.
Some of the value units are overestimated and of less value or faux value, then he finds himself not as full or even "empty" from eating cotton candy.
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DEEPER INTO THE NUMBERS
If service to others had real value to us, as follows, then we might choose
this particular way: (remember value MUST be the value to you, not something or someone "out there") Use S for service and A for alternative.
Hours Actual S Value Believed S value Value per hour Chosen based Chosen if based Net loss
per week of the hour non-thinkingly For the alternative on belief on reality
1 5 10 4 S S 0
2 4.1 9 4 S S 0
3 3 8 4 S A 1
4 2 7 4 S A 2
5 1 5 4 S A 3
6 0.5 4 4 S A 3.5
There is a loss of marginal value each time we choose to do service past two hours in this illustration. And since the value drops for each hour and we are giving up 4 units of value if we chose the next hour of the alternative, the more hours done in service the more the lost value (opportunity cost)
