THE BIG VAGUE THREAT CAUSING BIG FEAR
DUMPING IT FOREVER!
A BIT CRAZY?
A few times on the site, I depict the cause-effect steps in thinking as leading ultimately to something like "because I can't control this and if I am not rescued by the person of power out there, then the person will not love me and therefore won't feed me and then I'll die." Or "I'll be kicked out of the tribe if they don't like me or they see I am not competent enough to contribute enough to keep me. And then I'll die." The first is outdated fear from childhood, somehow left in place as an uncorrected belief system. The second is an "instinctual" or residual fear from 10,000 years ago.
Yes, that does sound a bit screwy.
BUT TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE:
We have, mostly as children but often continuing in childhood, so generalized the fear of disastrous consequences that we have a vague "blob" of undefined fear that signifies danger but has no more reality than the monster in the closet. It has simply been a snowball rolling down the hill of fear, growing into a giant snowball - one that is thoroughly meltable.
"I am so scared that I can hardly function whenever I have to write something for a big authority figure because if they don't like it, something awful will happen."
Often, they don't actually speak the last phrase, but we can logically infer that that is something they say, in some form, inside their brain.
Remember, if you will, where logically if there is a big emotional reaction to something it means there is a big danger pereived, as the primitive brain will systematically send out stronger signals whenever there is a bigger danger because it is vital that you are motiveated to run like hell from a big tiger but not much if it is a mouse.
The person living in big fear often does not realize that there are very few big dangers
AMBIGUITY BREEDS
Ambiguity allows the primitive brain to dump alot of "associated" memories into the current pile of concerns it keeps ready. All of those fears tether, mechanically and actually, together in connected neuronal pathways. A nameless compilation of fears emerges, with all sorts of irrational connections. We become the victim of the nameless monster that we have conjured up and thrown a nameless fear at - and it is all created in the imaginary mental world. (At least the Buddhists and other similar disciplines recognize implicitly that thoughts are not reality! See, and know, A Thought Is Just A Thought, An Emotion Is Just An Emotion, an essential understanding!!!)
As we know from the rule that if you don't like a particular result consider doing the opposite. In this case, we would use the same basic process, just in reverse.
We would start practicing making things specific (yes, even your languaging) and
declare what is true and what isn't true - and ambiguity will dissipate more and more as soon as we make things specific.
We can make "declarations" such as "It is not true that there is some mysterious thing out there to be afraid of. I have no actual danger of physical or survival importance. If someone disapproves of me, even if an influential power person, I shall still survive well and be ok. I am just fine. I am safe..."
CARRYING THE CHILDHOOD FEAR ALL THE WAY TO THE END
We should ask: "What will or could ACTUALLY happen to me if this happened?".
(That sounds a little bit like the age old method of asking "what is the worst that could happen?" - well, the purpose of that is usually to stop people from exaggerating what the consequences could be if something happened. You'll end up something like this: Sure the earthquake could cause a lot of damage, but at worst then you'll be left with $400,000 of wealth and enough inflation adjusted income to live pretty well and be perfectly happy."
"Will I die? Will I be permanently maimed. Perhaps I might not be as well off, but I'll still be ok." "There is no unlimited, unthoughtout downside that I can extrapolate out to disaster and permanent helplessness due to a powerful force of pain and/or unhappiness. I'll be ok.
Let's play the "all the way to the end" game with Daniel.
"If I displease the authority figure and he thinks I am stupid, will he think also that I am not a good person and not a willing person? Is there any ascertainable exact things that I can predict or are they figments of my Lennie's imagination. Well, he might no longer support me and he could let others know of that, though such a person might not want to be the type of person who I want to be around with, if he is that ruthless or blaming. Well, anyway, the people in the community work that I put so much effort could start thinking little of me. It could go all the way to where they don't give me assignments because I am untrustworthy. (Hey, wait a minute, one of the problems I've had is that the people in the community don't follow up on their duties. People might just keep me because I am the eager volunteer that they can take advantage of.) If they don't give me assignments, then I will have more time for other things of value. And surely I am smart enough to find other things of value, either through thinking, reading, or from others. Then I'll even be better off. Surely, God won't blame me for my mistakes if I've tried reasonably diligently. Well... hmmm. I can't find anything here that leads to oblivion. Maybe I'll feel some discomfort, but surely I'll still be able to make a life. It does not appear that I will lose my life or limb, be kicked out into the jungle to die. There is no real problem here, that is just life. I'm human and I have limitations. There are some big missings in my knowledge, but I can still love ok. And I'll solidify this by doing teh confidence, safety, and gratitude materials on the site.
I just can't come up with anything that is a big threat that would justify Big Fear (the blob monster/disaster). Maybe this is just a preference I lose and maybe I am still safe and well off. OK, I can accept not meeting my expectations - after all it's just part of life."
"Maybe I'll make up an affirmation about this, so that I don't get lost in the extreme fear thinking. 'There is nothing in this writing of an email to this authority that is life threatening or serious. I am no longer subject to my father or some big person depriving me of food and shelter - in fact these people have no power over me. I am the one who has my own power. I am the generator of my life and no longer a powerless, dependent child. I am self-sufficient. And, of course, I have limited knowledge, which means I will make mistakes due to not yet knowing, so all of this is ok and a normal part of life. I have plenty of alternatives to live in throughout my life.
Now, I will just go and enjoy my life!'"
Note that anyone trying to carry this process to a clear seeing of the ultimate superdisaster threat will begin to see that it is nigh impossible to find the threat - and one could even end up laughing at the supersilliness of Lennie, who is really not able to really understand this stuff.
I know this seems to be too simple, especially for such a big fear for someone, but it does work. And, of course, we'll do other things that build up the positive side, too, such as confidence building and building a sense of perspective and blowing out some of the false beliefs that we make up, as in the next section.
KNOW THE INACCURACIES AND EXAGGERATIONS
We, as humans are poor predictors of the future consequences. We often overestimate how bad the consequences will be and underestimate how well we will be able to adjust in those circumstances. We will almost always be ok. And if we do some of the exercises that cause one to be more certain in life and cause one to also be more able in life (as in doing "the build")..... See The Science Of Life - Reliably Predicting And Causing Your Future.
And you certainly will no longer have such problems if you diligently follow The Only Sure Path To The Greatest Life - it is a sure path, not a wishful thinking or woo-woo or uncertain path - it will absolutely, mechanically and realistically produce the desired result!!!!
(Note that as you fill in the parts of the reminders notebook, and begin reading them, parts of the blob will wither gradually. Particularly fillin the tabs (perhaps with shortened versions initially and/or copies of my examples that are already available) sections I, II, VI, VII, IX, and X.)
