"I MUST BE PRODUCTIVE IN LIFE INSTEAD OF ENJOYING IT"
A BELIEF THAT MUST BE CORRECTED! HERE IS HOW...
Really rough, will be extensively edited, but alot of the substance is here.
READ THIS AND DRILL DEEP!
This piece is not about one belief but a belief supported by a number of beliefs that create unhappiness. In reading it, you will discover much of what causes unhappiness, but most importantly, if you go all the way in the reading and links, you will learn how to eliminate the unhappiness beliefs and what is actually true and will create happiness.
Of course, this cannot be done in a few trite sayings or even in 10 or 20 pages.
If you follow the links and the reading sequences, you will spend a considerable time committed to doing that, but the payoff for really studying these deeply will be priceless such that the hours invested in it will have the highest long term value of anything else you can do on this planet!
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FROM THE BELIEF CHANGING FORM
Belief: "Being productive/proactive in life is more important than enjoying it."
An objective response I think would be appropriate is: "Both are important for peace of mind and purpose."
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The objective response is a good, correcting one, with more balance in it.
AND, we can also look at this in more depth and explore "completing" all the not so apparent implicit beliefs it may include.
So, here we go in trying to be more complete in our understanding and ultimately more clear in our (revised) beliefs.
WHY? RELATIVE TO WHAT?
The question here is "why?" Everything occurs in a "so what?" format and/or a sequence leading up to a final endpoint. When we say something is "more important", while we know we are saying it is more important as a conclusion, it is "more important for what"? Surely, if I produce 10,000 widgets and nobody wants them, I have not done what I truly want in life. It will have no purpose, no "do this so that I will 'get this'"
Everything is important only in relationship to what it produces. (The Absolute Power Of Context - notice that the context can change the entire experience of any one thing! "What this means is...")
I suspect the answer would be "so that I can go up further into heaven and be closer to God than I otherwise would be".
But then we can ask, "well, why do you want that", what is that a "so that" for? The answer ultimately is "so that I can be happier". [What! You heathen, how could you be so selfish! Happiness for you is what you are aiming for! You 'should be' aiming for others' happiness and/or relieving them from their suffering! (Does God Want Us To Self-Sacrifice To The Point Of Suffering Or Doing Harm To Ourselves?) That seems to be what "others" are implying in some of their religious writings - but those are often not thought through completely, or explained completely, to the "endpoint" - they focus on "means goals", on the means to get to the "ends" - when the "means" get confused with the "ends", not-so-good things happen - we end up "missing the mark" (which is the definition originally of the word "sin" - so this means we are sinning by writing that which causes people to miss the mark and/or we are sinning by failing to examine "beliefs" that are thrust upon us to the extent we analyze it all through to what is the end point achieved. (See Confusing The "Means To" With The True Goal - A Mistake That Can Cost You Much Of Your Life.)
And they often reflect a lack of balancing and a lack of being clear about what is important. If happiness is the ultimate importance, and you've gotten past the non-thought-out beliefs about how awful selfishness is, then everything that ultimate contributes to our happiness is ok. Is it "bad" to be unproductive by taking the time to relieve oneself of one's accumulated fecal matter? Or does that serve a useful purpose that is in balance with the best overall operation of life? Is a signal from the body to be considered? Or shall I just keep going when I am tired, as if I were a lemming with a single purpose of getting to the ocean no matter what? (See the reference to lemmings in The Busy Mindset Versus The Value Mindset and Get Rid Of The Pressure And Stress Of Being A Business Leader Or Professional Or Human Being and I Can Have It All - Wanna Bet? and A Life Of Fire Fighting And Whac-A-Mole - Not A Great Life! - the latter indicates that the person leaves problems in life instead of solving them, so he leaves himself with a life of always having to whack the moles.)
Indeed, balance is needed in order to be the most productive in life, in terms of the ultimate measure of productivity, happiness units. (Read The Principle Of Balance - Physiological, Musculoskeletal, Psychological, Thinking Ability and definitely read one of the most important operating principles in all of life: Homeostasis: Staying In The High Functioning Balance For Life - Absolutely Essential To Living A Great Life. Is it "unproductive" to keep oneself in a state where one can be productive? Surely not! Pay attention to one's GPS (feelings) System. Read the links in the sidebars of these pages, as it is essential for progression in life for one to fully understand concepts so that one can fully implement what is needed! )
Somebody forget to tell you that "sacrifice" actually refers to giving up something to gain something more valuable - it doesn't mean "suffer, you sucka, because you shouldn't take care of yourself when you could take care of another!"
Selfishness is "good", to a point, Pleasure is good, to a point, where it doesn't create a negative or take away from a higher value. not the extremes!!! Self sacrifice is good, up to a point (where what it takes away from your life is greater than the value of what you are doing instead!).
ANOTHER FORM OF THIS BELIEF
Belief: "Not being productive or “wasting time” is a sin."
Objective response:
Time is limited.
It is important to do the most valuable things first
It is not necessary to do many things each day
It’s okay to do what I please (within bounds) each day
Each of the responses has at least some validity in them, as far as they go, and they are helpful, but probably not in depth enough to overcome the belief. (That is not a criticism or a "the person should have known more/better", it is just an objective observation/evaluation.)
Relativity - enough
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How much am I permitted to be unproductive, as that is a reflection of human limits and competing needs. Is meeting a "need" of yours unproductive? Relative to what? Going to heaven, but God doesn't want you to suffer, does he?
OBJ THE HIGH IMPACT CENTER OF THE BELIEF
(This deals with the core emotional impact and fear that is driving the behaviors and anxieties.)
Exact Belief 1: Time is short; accountability for use of personal time has eternal ramifications; I will be judged for how I used my time on earth
Objectively:
Time is short
The Church teaches us that God does want us to be proactive in doing righteous acts of kindness for others.
righteous acts of kindness for others.It is okay to take care of my personal “needs” every day
Relaxation is okay (it’s not necessary to sleep in order to escape from work)
work)Where Did Belief Come From?
Always felt bad/guilty if I wasn’t busyChurch lessons and talks[Note that many of our beliefs come from somewhere else and if left unexamined we keep them intact and then we make other beliefs from them or transfer the authority elsewhere, perhaps from our parents to "The Church". But often the beliefs are left unexamined. Some of them were simply misunderstood, such as the pieces about self sacrifice or selfishness.]
AND NOW, THE CORE FEAR REARS ITS UGLY HEAD
Although it is about the after life, this is a "killer" fear (what is often called an "existential" fear - about one's very existence in eternity!!!)
And, like many fears, it presents itself in the context of vague soup. In this case, one puts no limit and/or no definition on how much is "enough" to be able to be judged ok to be with God, but at the highest level of being in his presence (maybe "best buddies" of "bff"s, which appears to be the most suitable..."best friends forever").
But, again, we must ask the question of why this is important, what is it a "so that I might get some other thing"? Although "to be with God" would seem to be the ultimate answer, the ultimate answer is actually "so that I can be the happiest possible".
What "the happiest possible" represents is an unreachable objective and an unreasonable standard for you to have to meet in order to be the happiest you can be.
You might say to that: "Wait a minute, that sounds circular to me!"
Well, you're right. It is also "impossible" although it includes the word "possible" in it. Possible includes the idea of ultimate, as in "everything is possible". But we are limited human beings and we can't reach the ultimate possible (at least not in this lifetime or even after a lot of eternal progression - note that eternal progression means we can always progress and that there is no limit, there is no "endpoint". If our goal is to be at the endpoint of all, then we ultimately will alway be disappointed, because there is no endpoint - except maybe that when all time ends and there is no future!
"Well, Keith, that sounds like some pretty good intellectual hooha, but I don't 'get it'. How can I let go of this anxiety?"
Ah, now, you are asking the right question. The anxiety is something you've created to spur you on to a greater level of survival, below which it is unsatisfactory to live. But, again, when does it stop that we cannot go to a greater level of survival and living?
It doesn't.
We are stuck with the big question that leads many people to unnecessary suffering - when do I get to "enough" - another unlimitedly expansive endpoint - and one that is definitely unattainable.
Read the series starting from The Desire For "More" Vs. Gratitude - Never Enough Or More Than "Good Enough"?
Run by "out there" instead of inside... that's pretty good, I can't really drive this to perfection, but I am doing pretty good, certainly good enough...but you could get "more" - yes, but that is ungodly... I do 5 (or 10) hours of service, pretty good, more than most..., but the point is not hours, for that is a quantity measure, instead I shall learn more about how to be more productive per hour with less effort as what counts, even with God, is value units delivered to my fellow man. If I could do it by a blog that reached a million people, wouldn't I be giving more value... measure happiness and/or reduction in suffering, so if I organized more people, leverage...e
Possible new beliefs:
I do "good enough" in life.
I am not greedy for more. I have more than enough. All my needs are filled and I am just living in bonusland, beyond my needs. I am grateful for all I have been given, especially in light of even what it was like for mankind 10,000 years ago. I am better off, by a huge amount, and I am grateful.
How far I can go is an unanswerable question... but I do know that I am well off and that I do more than I need to for other people and I also know that I need to take care of myself as the vehicle for doing well for other people and I know that what I get out of giving is the happiness from that giving. I don't get caught in some ethereal thinking in "vague soup" where somehow magically it is ordained that I must do incredible amounts of giving to meet some edict from on high - I know that is a bunch of bullbleep. And I keep all of this in the perspective both that we are given great gifts and that we are limited and can only do so much given the limitations of knowledge and ability and time.
Life is extremely good. I have many friends. I contribute to my church and I contribute to my children and my grandchildren and my spouse. I am pretty hot caca! I must admit it. And I know that I will at least be pretty happy up in heaven, perhaps not at a level higher than I can achieve, given my human needs and background, but pretty darned good - and besides that I get to have the privilege of starting at a happy place but having all of eternity to progress and be happier and happier and happier, always...for a pretty long time, approaching infinity. But I never expect to reach infinity or perfection, so I'll just enjoy the ride - it's pretty damned great as long as I don't make up any beliefs that get in the way too much. I now will create it such that I am cleaning up and correcting my negative beliefs so that I am on the progression trail, going higher and higher in happiness, which is the ultimate purpose.
Surely, God did not put me on this earth to be unhappy about not being happier and especially not to be unhappy about what the future holds relative to happiness - surely I don't need to trigger the emergency or danger hormones and signals, for I am more than ok. I surely do not have to be at the highest of the high, especially if it makes me unhappy if I am not happy about being on the highest, because then I surely would not be at the highest - kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, ironically!
Maybe I won't go to the head of the line, but I sure won't punish myself in order to drive myself to do better in this life as that would be antihappiness!
I see that there is no quota system and that well enough is well enough! I am greatly blessed and that is all that matters. I am on a special growth spurt that will put me further ahead than could any individual deeds, so I am progressing at a good pace - and I'll be able to contribute and multiply my value contributed greatly and soon.
I am plenty happy and I have laid out all the things I am happy about, from friends to children to the church and community I have enjoyed there and all the blessings I had in life while "growing up for the last decades and for all the gifts I have. I've laid them out in my own version of and I've also written my version of Keith's I Am Overwhelme With Gratitude And Appreciation Of Life
THIS IS A "PERCEIVED" DANGER
Your primitive mind sees this in some primitive way as a "danger". It is the "danger" of being short of having it all, with no limit. As cavemen we were just driven to have more because those people survived better, but having more does not promote our survival one we pass "enough" to survive and be ok.
It is an expectation problem. Indeed, I've written about it being a key cause of unhappiness: it is an artificial loss that is not really a loss in reality.
THE ABCDEF ANALYSIS
Activating event: Wake up in morning feeling unsettled/anxiousBeliefs: Must use time very wiselyConsequences: Eternal salvationDispute: How much time needs to be devoted to other-centered sacrificeis not determined by others but by myselfEffective, new belief:Feeling (what is desired)THE ORIGINAL
Correcting Belief 1
Being productive/proactive in life is more important than enjoying it
OBJ Both are important for peace of mind and purposeNot being productive or “wasting time” is a sin
OBJ Time is limited. It is important to do the most valuable things first It is not necessary to do many things each dayIt’s okay to do what I please (within bounds) each dayExact Belief 1: Time is short; accountability for use of personal time has eternal ramifications; I will be judged for how I used my time on earth
Objectively: Time is short
The Church teaches us that God does want us to be proactive in doing righteous acts of kindness for othersIt is okay to take care of my personal “needs” every dayRelaxation is okay (it’s not necessary to sleep in order to escape from work)Where Did Belief Come From?
Always felt bad/guilty if I wasn’t busyChurch lessons and talksABCDEF Analysis
Activating event: Wake up in morning feeling unsettled/anxiousBeliefs: Must use time very wiselyConsequences: Eternal salvationDispute: How much time needs to be devoted to other-centered sacrificeis not determined by others but by myselfEffective, new belief:Feeling (what is desired)This is a "so that" question, for the purpose of reaching more happiness. But it is also about an a unrealitic expectation that we fall short of and create an acute version of The Unhappiness Gap! Note what the solution is in that piece.
Questions answered:
Is it bad to "enjoy" or is there a purpose to even that?
Is it bad to take care of one's emotional well-being or is that sinful indulgence?
What's it all about, Alfie?
Happiness, period...
but should I suffer now so that I can be happy later?
Living In An Unreal World Existing Only In Your Mind - Misery Based On Fictions - from "sin" to "bad".
Read these thoroughly until you reach the point of understanding and then put your understanding and conclusions into writings - and make them referenceable as part of your written philosophy, perhaps only in your Philosophy Notebook - or in your Reminders Notebook, to read for a period of time until it is solidified in your brain.
