THRIVING OR SURVIVING?
WHERE AM I? WHERE WILL I CHOOSE TO BE?
Mark where you are now (use N) on these scales and where you choose to be in the future (use "C")
OVERALL
I am
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Surviving Thriving
IN EACH DETERMINANT, CONTRIBUTING PIECE:
I am
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Operating Operating
from fear from
of loss 
possibility
possibility__________________________________________________________________
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Anxious Calm, at peace
High awareness
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Critical, No fault,
judgmental 100% supportive
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Uncertain, Confident
Not "in control" Able to control,
of life determine life
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Dependent Self-sufficient,
on approval Productively
&/or other ways interdependent
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Getting Being
irritated, or "upset", completely
at happenings tolerant
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Being Extreme
physically caring for
lethargic physical
(in homeostasis)
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No self Playing
development full out
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Soft addictions, Virtually none,
under their control under self control
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Staying Going
home “out there”
(traveling, etc.)
Add your own:
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The discusion piece
What gets in the way?
Since one would obviously rationally choose to thrive, if one does not so choose there must be something in the way of making that choice.
Ignorance, of course, could be a likely contributor, as we need to know how things work and how to work them. In fact, that underlies the next factor.
We don't know how to strategize properly to get around the "forces" that appear to be in the way. Most commonly one is thinking that there are forces with some kind of power over oneself plus thinking that "this is hard". Those are false beliefs.
It is not hard.
But it does take some management, thinking, learning, planning and skill development. If you do that early on, as soon as possible, in life, then all of this is easy, with no resistance.
Indeed, one cannot "get to happiness" without knowing one has control over oneself and what is needed in life. That is called a "sense of control" (or also self-efficacy).
Instead of using self-control as an ability to develop, most people use it as a means for criticizing oneself for falling short.
Besides doing the reading on this on the site, it is necessary to actually write down for a week the conversation with yourself about what is getting in the way of doing what is the "right thing". It might be "this is too hard", "I need relief", "I'm afraid I'll fail", "this feels unpleasant, self sacrificing" (then add the sentences that you are saying that you will miss out on something)...
These "sentences" (actually they are statements of our beliefs) must be known first - or we cannot (duh!) correct them. Those false beliefs create emotions that are the "forces" that we think are controlling us!
In the chain of causations beliefs and interpretations always come before emotions. If we try to control emotions, we are entering at the wrong point in the chain - we need to go back to the cause of the emotion.
